With just under a dozen weddings rounding out the remainder of my 2011 calendar (you heard me), I’m constantly surrounded by all kinds of bridal chit chat. And while the majority is light hearted conversations of flowers and colors and cakes and candy, there is another level – a not so pleasant level – that lurks in the background like a slow, rolling thunder…
My mother-in-law is crazy! Our florist is the devil! My mom’s driving me crazy! Our caterer’s are out to get me! You’re crazy! I want to throw things at our DJ! I’m crazy! (insert your maniacal nonsense here.)
You all know what I’m talking about. But the biggest and most frequent “AHH!” to horns waggle its way into conversation… I’M NEVER GOING TO FIT INTO MY DRESS!!!
That’s right ladies… the inevitable fear of being too fat for the dress is an age old tradition of bridal banter that more than likely dates back to Medieval times. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been endowed with many, wonderful things in your life. But of all the wonderful things you have, you seem to be missing any sort of metabolic capabilities or even the slightest sliver of super model DNA. And somehow, when these two things are missing, they can make everything else seem a little bit more lackluster.
Which is why each and every, single, gosh darn forsaken day, I feel like I have to work at my weight. (Of course, I’m using the word “work” here interchangeably with “worry” (hehe), and yet, I digress.) I feel like I’ve been dieting in some way, shape or form since I was 16, which basically means I’ve spent the last 11 years hungry. Awesome.
And not only am I hungry, but I always seem to want super horrible foods at the most inconvenient times - for instance, during The Biggest Loser Finale, while perusing the latest issue of Victoria’s Secret or right before a bathing suit clad vacation. Yet another dose of awesome.
So, I’ve gathered over a decade’s worth of trial and error data to come up with a few tricks that have truly helped me along the way.
Stressing over it will only make it worse. (Probably why so many women cling to Yoga.)
Everyone is different; so, don’t expect the same routines that worked for a friend to work for you. Just kick booty at whatever you do!
No matter what a girl’s body type may be, she is liable to have just as many insecurities as you. (Kind of nice to know we’re all in the same boat, isn’t it?) And finally…
Of all the fad diets, crash cut backs and insane techniques you can use to lose weight, nothing will EVER work better than good ‘ole fashioned healthy eating and daily exercise.
So, if you’re a bride currently looking to trim down, shape up or simply get healthy for your big day, here are a few sites I’ve found incredibly helpful: WebMD.com and LoseWeightLossDiet.com - pretty clever name, yes? We’re all in this together, girls! Brides-to-be, brides-already-been and brides-several-years-in: we’re all just as “ugh!” about weight loss as the next; so, get out, get going and rest assure that there’s at least one more person looking to take out her bathroom scale! Together, we can do this :)
As previously speculated on the blog, it’s time for the Biggest Loser to step aside. The CW is launching their own version of the weight-loss obsession. Only this time, engaged couples fight to change their bodies and make wedded weight loss history. But before your ears start to ring with Bridalplasty nightmares, let me reassure you, this will be a skin cutting free zone… I think :)
On tomorrow night’s premiere, nine couples will face off in competitions based around wedding details such as invitations, cake and the rings. Whatever the couples win, they get to keep. If they lose, however, they lose more than a wedding detail; they lose their spot on the show. (Dun.Dun.Dun!)
During the three-month, wedding details based competition, the couples will learn how to live healthier lives and gain better eating habits with the help of several celebrity A-listers. Among them? Host Sara Rue, perhaps best known for her “big girl” roles in popular TV shows like, Popular, Less Than Perfect and Eastwick and most recently for getting her skinny on with Jenny Craig, as well as celebrity nutritionist, Ashley Koff and world class trainers Nicky Holender and Jennifer Cohen who will also join the ranks of shaping up and shipping out.
In the finale of the show, the first seven couples to be eliminated will get a second chance weigh-in. The couple who loses the most weight at home will win a fantasy honeymoon… not too shabby if you ask me :)
If you read my earlier post about the E! series Bridalplasty, you mayhaps already have an inkling how I feel about it. However, back then, it was merely speculation. Yesterday, my friends, it became a reality… a sweet, suuhhh-WEEET reality.
You heard me :) Bridalplasty made its convenient debut last night – November 28, 2010 – on E!, and as I watched train wreck after train wreck reveal her ridiculous idiosyncrasies and “look at me, look at me, I wanna be on TV!” personality, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of satisfaction that my first year wedding anniversary could share itself with such a cinematic gem.
I mean, just look at this genius…
Okay, so maybe “genius” is stretching it a bit, but seriously?? Can anyone else say, Hot Mess!? And that’s just the preview!!! You can imagine, the show only got better – “better” being the operative word – from there on out. These ”fix me!” brides-to-be are literally competing with each other for plastic surgery rewards (ie. Botox bashes / suction fat slumber parties / rhinoplasty revelries / you name it), in order to be the last bride standing to win her dream wedding (and face!)!
Now, I can’t tell you all this without revealing the best part… All these slice and dice festivities will take place over the course of four months. Four months in which the potential winning, somewhat sad brides-to-be will be away from family, friends and loved ones – including their future hubs! Meaning: not only will they be away from the man of their dreams, but they also won’t reveal their new face to the dude who OBVI loved her old face until the big day. Seems logical, right?
<sense the sarcasm>
Maybe I’m just bitter. Bridalplasty is, after all, a bit reflective of 2004′s classic, The Swan, and who didn’t walk away from that hot mess of a series feeling at least a little bit better about themselves?? (Mainly because you weren’t on it, hehe!)
And yet, I digress. Because you already KNOW I’ll be tuning in each and every week – as my Mister rolls his eyes from another room – to see this beast (whoops!) I mean beaut unfold. And all I wanna know is… who’s coming with me?
Who wants to be a Stepford Wife Bride? (photo courtesy of meansheets.com)
Look, I’m a fan of reality television just as much as the next celeb-obsessed, trash TV junkie, but I just can’t quite get behind the new E! series brewing on the back burner. According to nydailynews.com, Bridalplasty, which will air it’s debut on my one year anniversary, Nov. 28, 2010 (how ironic?), is the latest and questionably greatest wedding reality series put on by E!.
The extreme makeover show - set to be hosted by former Miss USA and Mrs. Travis Barker, Shanna Moakler – was conjured under the premise of gathering 12 brides-to-be with low self-esteem looking for a Swan-like (who remembers that disastrous ditty of a series?) transformation before their big day.
Now, while I’m all for self improvement, I’m just not sure going down a long list of nips, tucks and dollywops is necessarily the answer a soon-to-be Mrs. really should endure before the big day. And I’m even more convinced this decision is a fail after reading that the “grand reveal” will actually be done ON the big day itself when the groom (who I should mention is not allowed to see his blushing (hopefully no longer bruised) bride before this moment) lifts up her veil and shows off her new face for the first time.
**takes a minute to register and recompose**
Whaaaaa? I mean honestly, whaaaaat are these ladies thinking? I understand having self esteem issues, wanting to better yourself and be the prettiest version of you on your big day, but this is a little much. These women obviously have men who love and care about them just as they are. I mean, what if he lifts up the veil and finds this…
Heidi Montag talking with her disappointed mother. (photo courtesy of hollywoodlife.com)
EEK! Okay, that was mean, but honestly, if you’re a woman who’s feeling desperate for plastic surgery, are you really sure your wedding day is the perfect day to test those waters? Most experts will tell you not even to get a facial or hair treatment less than a week away due to the stark levels of unpredictability… let alone major, reconstruction surgery!
Idk. The whole thing just seems a little too bizarre for this pretty lady to wrap her hands around. While I still maintain the belief that every bride deserves a chance to shine, it should be her – with all her intact facial features – that shines. Extra makeup and quaffed hair is almost always a given for bridal beauty, but it’s still OH SO important for a bride to look like herself. After all, her face is the one that her groom fell in love with :)
And furthermore, any series that’s looking to follow the in the same footsteps as The Swan – a Fox series named one of Time’s Top 10 Skanky Reality Shows – should probably reconsider… mayhaps even reinvent the wheel.
For your viewing pleasure, the conclusion to Wednesday’s post, inspired by Women’s Health…
N = Numbers
This is my most dreaded letter… just ask the nurse practitioner who had to battle it out with my index finger for the scale knob to move to the appropriate weight. That’s right. I’m talking about your weight, people! Research shows that people who weigh themselves at least once a day or more likely to not only lose but also to maintain their weight loss more so than people who don’t. Sigh, looks like the scales wins… again!
O = Omelet
When it comes to protein, omelets are egg-selent! Haha! Yesss! Protein helps build muscle, which in turn fries more calories per pound than fat According to Jonny Bowden, author of The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth, informs you’ll burn 25% of the eggs’ calories simply by digesting them! Nuts!
P = Peanuts
It’s all about the “p’s” in this study, which was conducted by Purdue University. In this study, researchers found high-protein, high-fiber nuts are extremely filling and can boost the resting metabolic rates significantly… making the nut an ideal snack food for curbing your appetite!
Q = Quinoa
Quinoa is the queen of whole grains! Higher in protein and fiber with less carbs, this white rice substitute is an ideal source for dietary deliciousness!
R = Replacements
In its most simplest of forms: Eat this, not that. Try substituting liquid meals or healthier snacks and sides for some of your less savory choices.
S = Success
Stress causes no success. In a study conducted by Georgetown scientists, it was discovered that mice under stress or duress gained twice as much as their de-stressed counterparts. Reason being?? Stress can cause us to hold on to extra fat cells; hence, the term stress eating. So next time you’re stressed, try having a “wooo-saaaa” moment instead of a doughnut.
T = Tea
Green tea brings the catechins – a metabolism boosting antioxidant, and the catechins bring the weight loss! Not to mention, green tea is a MUCH healthier substiture than a half and half cup of coffee filled with sugar! Duh!
U = User-friendly
In a recent study conducted by the Journal of the American Medical Association, it was discovered that the success rate of one diet plan to the next is not determined by the diet itself, but the compliance each dieter has with it. Sooo, find a diet you can live with, and then, (more importantly) actually live with it :)
V = Vinegar
Just a spoon full of vinegar helps the weight loss stay off… weight loss stay off! (I know. Sweet remix to Mary Poppins, huh?) Published by the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, it was discovered that swallowing 60 grams or 4 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with a high-glycemic index caused people to eat 200-275 less calories a day… of course this doesn’t surprise me, due to the fact that stomaching a spoonful of vinegar makes me nauseous in thought alone!
W = Weights
I’m here to PUMP (pause for effect) you up! While many women fear lifting weights will cause them to look like the incredible hulk, they couldn’t be further from the truth. Pumping iron not only causes you to burn more calories after an average cardio workout, but researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham also discovered that women who lifted 3 times a week for 25 minutes lost an average of 4 pounds of bady fat! SWEET!
X = Xenical
Given the green light by the FDA last year, this prescription fat blocker can be found in the over the counter supplement, Alli. However, this does come with a price… loose stools. So, if the side effects are too much for you to handle, I totally suggest going at it the old fashion way :)
Y = Yoga
Self explanatory… grab a mat and get moving! Downward dog, anyone?
Z = ZZZZ’s
While dieting, you may want to scrimp on certain foods, but you should never scrimp on your zzzz’s! By not getting enough sleep, your body is tricked into thinking it’s low on fuel, causing your belly to growl and more than likely you to eat! So rest up… you need it :)
Often times, I will receive emails looking for advice, and while I’ll easily admit my awesome level is off the charts, my expertise level – especially on certain subjects – can be almost non-existent. And there’s no area less exercised (pun intended) by my expertise than weight loss. Ugh.
Luckily for you, however, I can pinpoint the experts and share their knowledge with the masses! And when it comes to losing weight and feeling great, who could possibly be better than a magazine dubbed entirely for the subject matter at hand? No one, duh! So, when I saw this article published in Women’s Health I couldn’t resist sharing their ”skinny” on weight loss vocab… and let’s face it, my own 2 cents as well! Haha! Check it out!
A = Alcohol
While binge drinking is a huge (and considerably unattractive) no no, having a glass of wine a day is proven to be good for the body and the soul. Because alcohol has the potential to increase leptin – a hormone known for its power to battle the sweet tooth, a nice glass of sauvignon blanc might be just what the doctor ordered :)
B = Buddy System
“Hmmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends!” It’s like the Beatles knew… Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania have proven you’re nearly 3 times more likely to lose weight faster and keep it off longer “with a little help from (your) friends.” And if you just so happen to be friends with all skinny minis: 1) How sad! Chubby people are the best people! (High fives self) and 2) Hit up weightlossbuddy.com for a long list of fat-reforming friends!
C = Cortisol
This adrenal hormone secretes stress, and we all know what stress can do to a body. So, if wedding planning, work or personal woes have you out of whack, try spending a date night fund on a couple’s massage instead!
D = Density
Studies produced by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition discovered women who eat water-rich foods, high in nutrients and low in calories are more likely to lose weight than women on a strictly low fat diet. So, go ahead, my dear ladies-in-waiting, grab that celery stalk and go for a walk!
E = Estimation
Next stop, Estimation Station… all aboard! Women’s Health encourages us all to commit the following estimates to memory:
3 ounces of meat = a standard deck of 52 cards
½ cup fruit, vegetables or grains = half a baseball
1.5 ounces of cheese = 3 dominoes
F = Fructose
Fructose isn’t free. In fact, it could cost you a waistline. So, put down those artificially sweetened beverages and pick up the peaches… or oranges or any other fruit of your choosing! Because this is where fructose is at its best!
G = Grapefruit
And speaking of fruit, why not try this ruby red delight! In a 2006 study published by the Journal of Medicinal Food discovered that people who ate half a grapefruit before each meal lost more weight than those who didn’t. (3.5 pounds, as opposed to one)
H = Hydration
The key to duration (and a slimmer, trimmer you) is hydration! Research has shown that sipping an extra 6 ounces of water a day may be just the ticket to curbing your appetite and caloric intake. So, pick up a glass near you and cheers to H2O goodness!
I = Insulin
This natural, sugar regulating hormone could be what dictates your diet. Low carb diets generally work best for people with high levels of insulin secretions. Don’t know if you’re a high insulin secretor? Well, peep yourself out in the closest mirror, if you store fat in your belly and have a more round or apple shape, you’re more than likely on the list and should focus on cutting carbs – more so than low fat.
J = Journal
That’s right. Take it back to the Junior High days; except this time around, instead of gushing over your latest crush or ranting about your hellish seventh period science teacher, write down everything you eat… yep, I said it… Chances are if you see it, you can cut it. Food journaling – according to the National Weight Control Registry – increases your chance for losing weight and keeping it off.
K = Ketosis
Ketosis is key for jump starting a diet or boosting one that’s plateau’ed, because it’s the result in which your body runs low on carbs and is forced to burn off excess fat instead. So, be sure to vary your diet and workout routines in order to keep your body guessing and your weight dropping!
L = Leptin
Let your leptin find a balance. Leptin is a hormone that tells your brain when it’s full. Often times, women will think eating less or even fasting is the way to lose weight fast; however, this can sometimes cause a decrease in your leptin levels, which may cause over-eating… a completely adverse effect of what you’re going for. Bottom line, don’t starve yourself or your body might get angry!
M = Milk
It truly does a body good :) A study done in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that drinking two cups of skim milk after a weight-lifting workout built more muscle and burned twice as much fat as its sport’s juice enthused counterparts… making cow juice aahhh-moo-zing! Haha, yes, I took it there.
Sara Rue, perhaps best known for her roles on TV series like Popular (who else misses that treat?), Less Than Perfect and most recently, Eastwick, became even more of a household name when she teamed up with fellow Jenny Craig advocate, Valerie Bertinelli, and said bu-bye to 50 pounds and hellloooo to skinny jeans!! You go, girl!
And what better way to show off her sexy new – slightly smaller – curves than motivating others to do the same? According to reports, Ms. Sara and all her skinniness are set to host the CW’s newest reality series, Shedding for the Wedding, in which 10 overweight couples will compete to shed the most from the waistlines in order to have their entire wedding paid for… um yeah, can anyone else say ahhhhmazing?
A true gem in the making, this has my DVR written all over, and I sooo can’t wait to watch it all unfold! Love love love weddings! Love love love Rue and love love love watching people get their shrink-tastic super powers on! Good luck to all, and may you find solace in the fact that you already have a number one fan :)
At first, it was funny… After taking a bear paw-sized handful of Reese’s Pieces: “Haha, yeeeeaaaahhhp, if I keep this up, I’ll be lucky to fit in my dress.”
Then, it became pathetic… After eating not one, but THREE homemade cupcakes: (Indistinguishable garbles through a mouth full of surgery, iced goodness) “These are soooo gooood! Good thing you can’t gain weight on your birthday, right?”
Until finally, it just got downright ridiculous… After eating the bag(s) – yes, plural! - of trick or treat, Halloween candy, four days before even a single, costumed kiddy showed up to receive them: “Well, I figured if I polished it off today, then I wouldn’t be tempted by it tomorrow.”
Photo Courtesy of CartoonStock.com
I mean honestly, what is the deal here?? Are there any other brides-to-be out there who have found themselves totally turning their back on Will Power? I am one month away from the big day (hooray!), and apparently, the nearing date makes me EXTRA (aka on the border of you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself-for-eating-that) hungry. Excellent.
While I have never been one to freak out about my weight, especially because my Mister enjoys a curvy cutie – hehe, I am rather concerned that the slight tightening of my jeans may be reflected in the weariblity of my wedding dress come 11.28. Not good. So, I’ve decided that it’s time I get my “blossoming” booty in gear!
A girlfriend of mine is a personal trainer, and while she has made it very clear that the PC 30-45 minutes of cadio, daily strength training and healthy eating is the BEST solution, it’s not the only solution. In fact, she told me that if I stuck with doing old school push ups, sit ups, lunges, lower ab crunches and “maintaining portion control” on my diet, I should be fine and dandy.
With that said, if there’s no post on Friday, it’s because I’m either A) too sore from all the old school calisthenics or B) too weak from portion control to type. Wish me luck! And here’s some for you too. (Please limit one per customer – haha!)
*Welp, there they are. Just like they always are… watching, judging, taunting… an ever present reminder of what once was and what may never be again. Thank YOU, oh torturous villain, for cursing my day. I should just get rid of you. Throw you out, along with all the low, self loathing esteem you inflict on my daily existence. Instead, I keep you close, as well as the little bit of false hope… that maybe… just maybe … I may fit into you again.
*That’s right. I’m talking to you, constant mocking reminder, too-small-for-me, favorite pair of jeans… and today, it appears, you win… again.*
Yep, (fill in your name here), who hasn’t been there? If you’re anything like me, you’ve been endowed with many, wonderful things in your life. But of all the wonderful things you have, you seem to be missing any sort of metabolic capabilities or even a small sliver of Giselle Bundchen DNA. And because these two things are missing, they can make everything else seem a little bit more lackluster.
EVERY day (every, single, forsaken day), I have to work at my weight. Heck, I’ve been dieting (in some way, shape or form) since I was 16, which basically means I’ve been hungry for last nine years. Awesome.
And not only am I hungry, but I always seem to want super horrible foods at the most inconvenient times - for instance, during The Biggest Loser Finale, while perusing the latest issue of Victoria’s Secret or right before a bathing suit clad vacation. Yet another dose of awesome.
And no time in all my weight loss / maintenance years has ever been even remotely as this one: The I’m-Gonna-Be-in-White-Dress-in-Front-of-Millions Time. Never – in all my life – have fudge brownies, mint chocolate chip ice cream or raw cookie dough looked more appetizing, and never – in all my life – have I been less inclined to eat them. Because even though my Mister thinks I’m beautiful in every sense of the word - I want this same sentiment spread to every one else sitting in the audience.
So, I’ve gathered my decade’s worth of trial and error data and come up with a few tricks that have truly helped me along. One, stressing over it will only make it worse. (Probably why so many women cling to Yoga.) Two, every one is different; so, don’t expect the same routines that worked for a friend to work for you. Three, no matter what a girl’s body type may be, she is liable to have just as many insecurities as you. (Kind of nice to know we’re all in the same boat, isn’t it?) And finally, of all the fad diets, crash cut backs and insane techniques you can use to lose weight, nothing will EVER work better than good ‘ole fashioned healthy eating and daily exercise.
If you’re currently taking the same journey as me and looking to trim down, shape up or simply get healthy for your big day, here are a few sites I’ve found incredibly helpful: WebMD.com and LoseWeightLossDiet.com - pretty clever name, yes? We’re all in this together, girls! So, get out, get going and rest assure that there’s at least one more person looking to take out her bathroom scale!
*Welp, there they are. Just like they always are… watching, judging, taunting… an ever present reminder of what once was and what may never be again. Thank YOU, oh torturous villain, for cursing my day. I should just get rid of you. Throw you out, along with all the low, self loathing esteem you inflict on my daily existence. Instead, I keep you close, as well as the little bit of false hope… that maybe… just maybe … I may fit into you again.
