If you read my earlier post about the E! series Bridalplasty, you mayhaps already have an inkling how I feel about it. However, back then, it was merely speculation. Yesterday, my friends, it became a reality… a sweet, suuhhh-WEEET reality.
You heard me :) Bridalplasty made its convenient debut last night – November 28, 2010 – on E!, and as I watched train wreck after train wreck reveal her ridiculous idiosyncrasies and “look at me, look at me, I wanna be on TV!” personality, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of satisfaction that my first year wedding anniversary could share itself with such a cinematic gem.
I mean, just look at this genius…
Okay, so maybe “genius” is stretching it a bit, but seriously?? Can anyone else say, Hot Mess!? And that’s just the preview!!! You can imagine, the show only got better – “better” being the operative word – from there on out. These ”fix me!” brides-to-be are literally competing with each other for plastic surgery rewards (ie. Botox bashes / suction fat slumber parties / rhinoplasty revelries / you name it), in order to be the last bride standing to win her dream wedding (and face!)!
Now, I can’t tell you all this without revealing the best part… All these slice and dice festivities will take place over the course of four months. Four months in which the potential winning, somewhat sad brides-to-be will be away from family, friends and loved ones – including their future hubs! Meaning: not only will they be away from the man of their dreams, but they also won’t reveal their new face to the dude who OBVI loved her old face until the big day. Seems logical, right?
<sense the sarcasm>
Maybe I’m just bitter. Bridalplasty is, after all, a bit reflective of 2004′s classic, The Swan, and who didn’t walk away from that hot mess of a series feeling at least a little bit better about themselves?? (Mainly because you weren’t on it, hehe!)
And yet, I digress. Because you already KNOW I’ll be tuning in each and every week – as my Mister rolls his eyes from another room – to see this beast (whoops!) I mean beaut unfold. And all I wanna know is… who’s coming with me?
Who wants to be a Stepford Wife Bride? (photo courtesy of meansheets.com)
Look, I’m a fan of reality television just as much as the next celeb-obsessed, trash TV junkie, but I just can’t quite get behind the new E! series brewing on the back burner. According to nydailynews.com, Bridalplasty, which will air it’s debut on my one year anniversary, Nov. 28, 2010 (how ironic?), is the latest and questionably greatest wedding reality series put on by E!.
The extreme makeover show - set to be hosted by former Miss USA and Mrs. Travis Barker, Shanna Moakler – was conjured under the premise of gathering 12 brides-to-be with low self-esteem looking for a Swan-like (who remembers that disastrous ditty of a series?) transformation before their big day.
Now, while I’m all for self improvement, I’m just not sure going down a long list of nips, tucks and dollywops is necessarily the answer a soon-to-be Mrs. really should endure before the big day. And I’m even more convinced this decision is a fail after reading that the “grand reveal” will actually be done ON the big day itself when the groom (who I should mention is not allowed to see his blushing (hopefully no longer bruised) bride before this moment) lifts up her veil and shows off her new face for the first time.
**takes a minute to register and recompose**
Whaaaaa? I mean honestly, whaaaaat are these ladies thinking? I understand having self esteem issues, wanting to better yourself and be the prettiest version of you on your big day, but this is a little much. These women obviously have men who love and care about them just as they are. I mean, what if he lifts up the veil and finds this…
Heidi Montag talking with her disappointed mother. (photo courtesy of hollywoodlife.com)
EEK! Okay, that was mean, but honestly, if you’re a woman who’s feeling desperate for plastic surgery, are you really sure your wedding day is the perfect day to test those waters? Most experts will tell you not even to get a facial or hair treatment less than a week away due to the stark levels of unpredictability… let alone major, reconstruction surgery!
Idk. The whole thing just seems a little too bizarre for this pretty lady to wrap her hands around. While I still maintain the belief that every bride deserves a chance to shine, it should be her – with all her intact facial features – that shines. Extra makeup and quaffed hair is almost always a given for bridal beauty, but it’s still OH SO important for a bride to look like herself. After all, her face is the one that her groom fell in love with :)
And furthermore, any series that’s looking to follow the in the same footsteps as The Swan – a Fox series named one of Time’s Top 10 Skanky Reality Shows – should probably reconsider… mayhaps even reinvent the wheel.
It is time for a bridal reality check… and I’m not just talking about lists here, people! I’m talking about bridal reality television…
Whether a person is willing to admit it or not, the fact still remains that reality TV is one of today’s most successful guilty pleasures to ever reach the masses, and this most certainly rings true for the shows featuring weddings. From Bridezillas and Platinum Weddings to Say Yes to the Dress and Bulging Brides, here’s a list of some of the more outrageous reasons people are tuning in and turning on to reality wedding TV:
Say Yes to the Dress: Set in Manhattan’s famed Kleinfeld Bridal Salon, this wedding wonder features 35,000 square feet of bridal dresses and hot messes. Between all the variables (ie. differing consultant opinions, wide ranging budgets, entourage sizes and bride-to-be styles), Say Yes to the Dress is an ideal setup for beautiful gowns and crazy personalities to clash. While some stories will easily tug at one’s heart strings and end with big smiles, they are juxtaposed with just as many jerks and quirks… ahhh, bridal magic. Catch it: Fridays @ 9pm/8C on TLC
Bridezillas: A true gem of wedded reality, this unfortunate display of brides-to-be most often times leaves viewers wondering why the soon-to-be grooms ever got down on one knee in the first place. Filled with “I’m pregnant with octuplet raging” hormones and fueled by a severe case of “it’s all about me!” mentality, bridezillas are a breed all of their own. While the first couple seasons all had happily ever after endings for the bridal brats and unhappily ever after endings for just about everyone else, the next few might just show a change in the winds. Hmm, could Alice Cooper be right? Is it time for “No more Mr. Nice Guy!?” Heee-heee-heee! Catch it: Sundays @ 9pm/8C on WeTV
Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?: This reality show pairs wedding planners to prenuptial couples looking to create the wedding day of their dreams. With a wide range of budgets and personalities to mix and mingle, the show unfolds what can only be described as power struggle between the forces of good and evil. Of course, who is good and who is evil is strictly left up to the viewer, but one thing is for certain, while there may be no definitive answer to who’s right and who’s wrong, there will always be strong rebuttals on both sides supporting their cause. Catch it: Tuesdays @ 10pm/9C on Style Network
Platinum Weddings: What does one get when they add up va-va-voom and cha-cha-ching? Why, Platinum Weddings, of course! Talk about living in the lap of luxury; the brides featured on this show give definition to all things haute couture, creatively custom and drop dead dramatic. Because budgets are never an issue, the couples characterized on this show only know one speed (warp) and one end result (over the top), and no matter how bad a person is with numbers, it doesn’t take a math wizard to see just how lavish an event can become when money is no object. Catch it: Sundays @10pm/9C on WeTV
Bulging Brides: As its name would suggest, this reality show is all about brides trying to shape up, trim down, <squeeeeze> in and look more fabulous than ever on their Mrs. debut. Like most wedding planning ladies (heck, ladies in general), the girls featured on this show struggle with weight gain and will power before throughout the wedding planning process; so, Bulging Brides teams them up with a personal trainer and nutritionist for six weeks of true grit and bear it work outs, meal plans and rules in hopes that they will look and feel just the way they always dreamed! Catch it: on the Discovery Health Channel and WeTV
Four Weddings: Get the score cards ready, ladies; for this series has four brides, along with their grooms and entire wedding package, set up on the chopping block. Each bride is responsible for judging the other three bride’s big days, which concentrate on four main areas: the dress, the venue, the food and the overall experience with only one being crowed the top bride. And to the victor go the spoils; as the bride with the best overall scores wins a dream honeymoon for her and her husband to enjoy for free! Catch it: Fridays @ 10pm/9C on TLC